= Escaping =

I always thought love is all about fairy tales.. Everything is sweet, dreamy and perfect.. Yeah, it is sweet, but definitely not a fairy tale.. I've been struggling to have a happy, loving relationship, but it doesn't work well.. And what happened to me is.. all the relationship I had/having, is kinda long distance relationship.. not kinda, it is. There are so much to take care of, to maintain.. The time when you falling in love, it was so sweet.. But after becoming a couple, it was different..

Busy lifestyle makes you do nothing, huh? How to maintain a relationship? Where is all the surprise? How to make your couple's heartbeat keep pounding out for you? Gifts? Cards? Calls? Meeting? Magic words? Love letters? Did you do all these for your couple? Even though doing all those stuff wont takes u long time to do so.. I even ask myself did I do that? Actually how to maintain a relationship? I really don't know.. I seem to fail again..

I do ask questions like 'dear, will you ever think of leaving me alone?' .. 'dear,if there's one day I'm gone, will you try to find me?'.. 'dear, do you really love me?'.. I'm sure most of the girls will ask the same questions as me.. But why? It is because..we had lost our faith, we are weakening inside..we need supports, loves and cares.. What answer will you give to your couple if they ask you these? 'I'm tired, don't ask these question, and this will never happen.?'.. 'I'll find you if I had enough sleep..?'.. Does all these answers help? But if you do tired, you really can answer these out?

These days, I'm actually escaping from my dear.. I don't know how to communicate with him.. I'm scare.. I asked him not to find me.. yeah, he is doing.. I'm doing the same also.. I'm trying to escape from the problems we are having, I'm trying to escape from him, I'm trying to escape and pull myself off from this relationship.. I'm trying to cover all the hurts that keep staying inside me.. I'm trying to be strong.. I'm trying to live alone, well.. exclude my family members.. I know it's hard, but I'm half way of it..

Am i decided what I want? Am i decided to letting this go? Am i going to throw the air tickets away? Am i decided not to back to my dear's arm? I don't know... Am i hurt? Am i losing faith and trusts? Am i being carefree? yes..I am. I need someone to rely on, to be taken care of, to be pamper and to be love.. If I can't meet this person, I guess I need to do all those to myself.. Yeah, no big deal..

I hate long distance relationship.. I did think of sacrifice for my love one.. But I feel insecure inside.. Why? Who take this responsibility to answer? If there comes another chance to have a new relationship, I don't think I'll easy to make any move.. God know I'm so fed up and tired.. Escape escape escape...to a corner where no people can find..